A Wonderful Mother in Every Way That Matters

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I've been thinking about the many amazing women I've known who've cared for children and helped them find their way in the world.  And I realize that what women do for children is not primarily about giving birth.  There are many fine women -- fine people -- who've guided and loved and fed and played with children that were not their own biological offspring.  So what is it about women that we celebrate on this holiday?

Children need so many things in order to flourish.  They need food and shelter and clothing.  They need resources in order to be healthy and safe.  They also need to understand this world we live in.  They need education.  And we want our children to have a strong sense of emotional confidence (the belief that they are valuable and lovable and accepted for who we are) and a strong sense of emotional respect -- that all of us (ourselves and others) need to be cared for.  

Traditionally, we've made two assumptions about how all of these things should be provided for our children.  One is that the primary responsibility for any child should fall on just two people.  The other is that this list of needs should be divided into two sub-lists: things father should provide and things mothers should provide.  These assumptions are not always practical.  The most important thing is that our children are adequately cared for and provided everything they need, whether that comes from their biological parents or others and whether two or twenty guiding adults are involved.

This is something I've seen all over my family tree.  Today I'd like to celebrate a special woman who provided so much to children she did not give birth to.  Her name is Kate Clifton Burchard, my Granddaddy's sister.

Kate never married.  As a young girl in West Texas, she lost her mother after the birth of her youngest brother.  Twelve year old Kate had to help to raise her three younger brothers, one a new born with special needs.  She did not have to do that on her own, as her father hired a live-in housekeeper, at least until Kate was older.  Hats off to Ms. Mary Perry, who also cared for children who were not her biological kin.  Eventually, however, Kate was on her own to run the household and care for her family.  She was very much on her own after her father died tragically from a fall.  It is ironic to me that census takers listed her occupation as "none," when we know how much work goes into cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and taking care of children -- especially one with special needs.

Kate had a special connection to her brother Henry, my Granddaddy.  The two of them left West Texas behind after the death of their father and moved to Arlington, Virginia, where Henry worked in civil service and Kate kept house (of course, that was recorded as no occupation at all).  It wasn't long before Henry met and married my Grandmother and began raising a family of his own -- five children in all.

Grandmother was a doctor and very hard-working.  With many male doctors called overseas during WWII, the demands on her skills sky-rocketed.  Henry was working as well.  The care given my mother and her siblings relied on a network of people -- hired housekeepers, my Great Grandmother Tabor, and Aunt Kate.  Happy memories of time with Aunt Kate flow from my mom and her siblings.  Once a week, Henry visited his sister and came back with Kate's famous oatmeal bread -- which the kids loved.  The children loved spending time with Aunt Kate, just hanging out or playing board games (or helping to make oatmeal bread!).  One very special tradition for the kids was the summer visits.  When school was out for the summer, but both parents were still working, each child would have time at Aunt Kate's house -- just one at a time.  This was special because they adored Aunt Kate and because they would have a level of attention that wasn't possible in their seven person household.  Kate was an important source for that emotional confidence and respect mentioned above.

Having a whole team of adults involved in their lives gave each of them an amazing foundation for life.  That quiet time with Aunt Kate was a reservoir for them.  She was an amazing mother figure.  

Kudos to all people who give our children the resources they need to thrive.  Whether you've ever given birth or not is not the point; your gift to the future is the care and love children so desperately need.  Thank you and Happy Mother's Day!!

You can read all about Kate's life on the free genealogy website Wikitree.  Enjoy!