I recently read an article in the New York Times Magazine about an organization in Germany that works to find and preserve the graves of fallen German soldiers. One of the observations that was made was that we think of those who have died as "single people" -- especially when thinking of our own family members We do not think of them as part of a group of humans bent on a shared objective. The grave marks a grandparent or a great uncle -- not a Nazi. And so the question emerges: "How to remember this person?" How to mark their graves -- and how to mark their memory.
I spend a lot of time in cemeteries and see the variety of ways that people are remembered, the meaning of their lives etched in stone. "Gone but not forgotten / We will love you forever," and "Best Mom / Gone but not forgotten," read a pair of headstones in DeHart Cemetery. I love this cemetery; many of my family are buried here and I visit to photograph the headstones and to think about the people buried there. One of my favorite people, John Sadoc Smiley, my second great grandfather, is lovingly buried in DeHart. His grave has three markers. He shares a headstone with his wife, Matilda (Gibson) Smiley. It is a beautiful stone, newer than the other two markers, and reads simply Rev. J. S. Smiley.
Ah, a minister! Religion ran deep for John S. Smiley. He wrote the history of the Baptists living in his "country," covering the years from 1830 to 1892. His tone throughout is gentle and loving. At the end of the book, he includes short biographies of twenty-four church leaders, including himself. He titles his own story, "The Writer's Humble Experience," and withholds the praise he has heaped on the others. Everything he says downplays his importance. Speaking of himself in the third person, he says, "He has aided in organizing a few churches and ordained a few deacons, ministers, and has served as pastor about six years, but it seems that most of his religious usefulness is yet to come, if come it ever does: (130). He makes it sound like he did a little of this and a little of that, but it really wasn't much.
He does go on to mention (however briefly) his most significant contribution to his community -- his efforts as an educator. This includes teaching school, evaluating teacher candidates, and serving as the first Superintendent of Schools of Swain County -- laying an important foundation for all that followed him. He does say the he feels "some degree of pride" in his work in education, but immediately turns his attention to the larger project of which he is only a part. He says he "humbly hopes that upon the humble foundation he has thus been enabled to lay for the dear children of his county, that a far brighter day and greater degree of prosperity may dawn upon the succeeding schools and those entrusted with their guidance" (131). Once again, his tone conveys that he did a little of this and a little of that and he hopes it was helpful to others.
How can you not love this guy? Just look at this kind face. This gentle spirit is what I want to remember as the essence of my ancestor.
But I haven't told you about the other two grave markers yet, have I? There is a government issued headstone that indicates his service in the 39th North Carolina Infantry, CSA.
And there is the iron cross that is bestowed on "any Confederate Veteran who served honorably" by the Sons of Confederate Veterans. The Sons of Confederate Veterans are committed "to the vindication of the cause for which [Confederate soldiers] fought." And as the Vice President of the Confederacy made clear, the cause was the subordination of African descended people into slavery as the natural and correct relationship between the races. The presence of this iron cross and the CSA headstone tell me that my beloved second great grandfather fought for a cause that I find abhorrent. How do I reconcile the image of a kindly educator and minister with this?
One way I have wrestled with this in the past, is to point to John's eleven month absence from his unit (from May 1862 to February 1863), at least part of which was labelled AWOL on his military record. Maybe he wasn't as committed to the cause or serving as honorably as the Sons of Confederate Veterans would like to believe. I carefully analyze the choice John made to leave his unit on his
WikiTree Profile. I worry, however, that I am grasping at straws here in my attempts to improve my second great grandfather's reputation. The fact is that John made many choices -- including joining up to begin with and returning to his unit after his extended absence. He served until the end of the War -- over two years after his return to the army. His reasons for those choices are also part of who he was and the legacy he has left us with.
The fact is that groups of humans bent on a shared objective are made up of "single people." The Nazis or the Confederate Army -- or Suffragettes or Black Lives Matter activists -- are groups of single people, who come together in a shared purpose for many different reasons. Our individual choices combine into something greater than ourselves. Across the South, people may have joined the CSA to protect their homes and families, or out of camaraderie with their buddies, or because they felt slavery was right. In the end, whatever reason an individual had, the choice aligns itself with the group's overarching objective. Looking back at the Civil War, we can say that John made the wrong choice to serve the CSA, because their overarching objective was wrong. In fact, he himself told his grandson that it was a good thing that the Confederacy lost because slavery is evil. Looking back, he may have wished that he hadn't participated in that thankfully lost cause.
The legacy John Sadoc Smiley leaves me is twofold. First, to know that my choices will place me with or against groups of people with a shared purpose -- and I need to think about how my choice in tandem with so many others will impact our world. Even if my reasons are different from the eventual impact of the group, my actions will combine with others to serve that overarching purpose. Is this choice supporting a group like the CSA? Or is it connected to a nobler cause? This question weighs on me heavily now, as I see the seeds of fascism growing in our country. I wonder how German citizens made decisions to resist or support those tendencies in the 1930s. What would I have done as Hitler reduced unemployment and Germany recovered from the Great Depression? Would I choose to support Hitler because his economic policies coincided with my own goals? Would I view rising fascism and anti-Semitism as unfortunate, but irrelevant to my reasons for supporting the Nazi Party? And today, can I look the other way as Trump's policies harm the most vulnerable among us? I need to think about how my activity, as an individual, supports a group of people with a shared purpose that is wrong.
The second lesson is that humans are complex and changeable. I can have many different effects on the world, just as John improved education in Swain County and was a kind and loving grandparent, while also supporting the Confederacy. I will do some good things and some bad things, but I will do better if I think about that first lesson. My bad choices do not erase my good ones -- but the opposite is true as well. Thankfully, I can also learn from my mistakes and teach my grandchildren those lessons, just as John taught his grandson, my great uncle Claude. John made it clear to Claude that he should not hate the Stars and Stripes or disavow his connection to the larger Union. John may have fought for the Confederacy, but just "a few short years" after their conversation, Claude proudly served in the United States Army in World War I. (You can read John's words of advice to his grandchild on his profile, linked above.)
References
Casey, Nicholas. "Unburying the Nazi Past," The New York Times Magazine, 30 March 2025. 26-47.
Smiley, John Sadoc. History of Tennessee River Baptist Association, North Carolina, from the Year 1830 to the Year 1892. Bryson City, NC, 1893.
"Sons of Confederate Veterans: Adam Washington Ballenger Camp #68," https://www.schistory.net/SCV/index.htm. Accessed 5 April 2025.
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